forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
