So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
