Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
