and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
