They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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