i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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