I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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