Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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