Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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