Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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