This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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