This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We talked him into tasing himself.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
