I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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