I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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