This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think your dad took our porno
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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