Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
