Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
