All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
