well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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