He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
