I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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