remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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