I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
