he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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