her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
