Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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