Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
