your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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