im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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