Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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