If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
