I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
