i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
