I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
