I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
