i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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