so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
