If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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