that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
