were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
