I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
