well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
