Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
