Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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