Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
