i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
