We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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