she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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