I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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