But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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