Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
