Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
