I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
