i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
